Dad calls his son selfish for wearing a new gray coat to his grandfathers funeral, insists he spend $50-60 on a new black coat instead: 'I have not heard from him since'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 9, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Funerals are a stressful time. You have to be focused on planning this huge event that appropriately honors the life of your loved one while trying to distract yourself from the grief that's currently eating you alive. I have no idea how people can get through funeral speeches and songs without bursting into tears immediately. It's such a huge burden to bear, and I admire anyone who can do it, whether they cry through the whole process or are able to hold it together when people are around.

The stress of funeral planning can lead to fighting within the family. There are so many trivial things to fight over for a funeral. Aunt June ordered the wrong type of flowers, and now we're out $300 for an unsightly arrangement. The adult children of the deceased disagree on whether to have a closed or open casket. In this case, one of the grandsons isn't wearing a perfectly black outfit like his dad wants him to. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10439562752
    via The Good Funeral Guide

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA For refusing to buy a black coat for a funeral when my dark grey one is the one I always wear for these occasions
    via u/Vamip89
  • 03
    My grandad passed away a few weeks ago and this funeral is coming up within the next week. I had planned on wearing my standard funeral outfit black pant, white shirt etc. However I had a phone call with my dad and he was asking what I was planning on
    via u/Vamip89
  • 04
    wearing so I told him and he said are you planning on wearing that grey coat. I said yeah I plan to his reaction was well everyone is wearing black so you are going to look stupid with that on you need to go out and buy a black one.
    via u/Vamip89
  • 05
    I told him no I won't be going out spending on a coat so close to Xmas and also I am still a week away from being paid so I am not exactly flush with cash right now. In the end I said ok I will just be without a coat for the day again he said he did not like that and I should just go buy one I can get a decent one for £40-£50 again told him I can't afford that. He then called me selfish and put the phone down on me I have not heard from him since.
    via u/Vamip89
  • 06
    Update: Thank you for all the responses I am trying my best to reply to as many as I can. About 30 minutes after posting this my dad randomly turned up at my house and broke down crying saying he was sorry for the way he acted and I can wear what ever I want to. We had a brew together and a chat about everything and he's just left. So it seems the issue resolved itself
    via u/Vamip89
  • 07
    Grandmapatty64 First of all, look your coat over with a critical eye. See if there's ratty edges if it's starting to show wear or anything. Something you may not have noticed overtime.
    via u/Grandmapatty64
  • 08
    Barring that then you are not doing anything wrong wearing a gray coat to a funeral. As someone else said, call your dad and ask him if he wants to pay for a new black coat for you. If he says no, he can't then you say well if you can't, you should understand why I can't. I'm not coming for a fashion show. I'm coming to pay my respects to my grandfather.
    via u/Grandmapatty64
  • 09
    Edited to add: if you do feel the need to get a new coat if you do find that yours isn't as good as shape as you thought. Try thrift stores. I don't know if you have Goodwill stores where you're at, but they are a decent possibility. It's not absolutely necessary but if you're gonna feel uncomfortable, that's a possible out. You could pick something up there pretty cheap usually.
    via u/Grandmapatty64
  • 10
    Vamip89 OP I have only worn the coat 4 times since I bought at the start of the year for the first funeral I attended. It's well looked after and still looks smart and it's like a dark grey. I just don't see the need to buy another coat that I won't wear everyday when I have a perfectly good one
    via u/Vamip89
  • 11
    barrie247 Is this your dad's dad? It's possible this has nothing to do with a coat, he's just grieving and looking for something he can control. I'm sure your coat is appropriate and looks great, but if it's his dad and it's that important to him, is there a friend you can borrow a black coat from? If there isn't then it is what it is, wear the grey coat, I'm sure it's fine.
    via u/barrie247
  • 12
    Vamip89 OP I honestly have tried with him. Messaged him since reminding him that I am off all day for the funeral so if he needs anything just ask and I will be there. But he's not even replying to them messages
    via u/Vamip89
  • 13
    greentea 1985 This. My mom had a freak out over the clothes | brought with me for my grandfather's funeral and it felt hurtful at first until I realized she was freaking out about having finally lost both her parents and needing to fix my clothes gave her something else to focus on before the funeral.
    via u/greentea1985
  • 14
    vwscienceandart I agree with this. The dad comes from the generation where funeral = black. Grief often manifests as anger and dad may be lashing out inappropriately at a perceived disrespect. But OP that's not true, it isn't disrespectful at all. NTA.
    via u/vwscienceandart
  • 15
    Shadow4summer As long as you are as you are wearing a subdued color you're good.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 16
    QuirkySyrup55947 RIGHT!!! These replies noting where OP should buy a new coat or borrow one are ridiculous. Dark gray is perfect for a funeral. Hot pink would possibly raise an eyebrow... dark gray is absolutely fine.
    via u/QuirkySyrup55947
  • 17
    Competitive_Cod_3843 If dad wants you in a new coat, dad can buy it. He's the only person who actually cares about the coat. Grey is fine for the rest of humanity. It's not really the time for a team uniform. NTA
    via u/Competitive_Cod_3843
  • 18
    Vamip89 OP I have been to 4 funerals this year and wore it for each on and no body has said a thing. As you said I am pretty sure no one else will car at the funeral.
    via u/Vamip89
  • 19
    nice_guy_hello had a Just a little thought- Now that he apologized and you heart to heart- borrow a black jacket from a friend. Wear it for ur dad. He's obviously stressed and grieving. Give him a little wink and a hug when you get to the funeral. But you're definitely NTA.
    via u/nice_guy_hello
  • 20
    Vamip89 OP Aye I agree I have already asked in my friends group chat if anyone can help me out
    via u/Vamip89

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family drama jacket grey funerals colors grandfather reddit story funeral jackets coat dad Grandpa family reddit thread Reddit gray son black
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